Nothing but distractions

Data is not information, information is not knowledge, knowledge is not understanding, understanding is not wisdom. (Clifford Stoll)

Information overload

We live in the information age. Information is literally at our fingertips. The flip side of this is that information overwhelms us and also confuses us. Even when we have a mere stomachache, we tend to research about it on the Internet. It is great that we are able to get the information we need so easily. The problem is that when the Internet gives us results from indigestion to hernia to stomach tumor, we have no idea which one to pick! Filtering relevant from irrelevant has almost become impossible. When we have a child with special needs, the Internet often becomes our first resource for research. It gives us all sorts of information—from hopeful to dire. Even though we know that not everything on the World Wide Web is true, we still read it. This is not only unhelpful, but also clouds our thoughts and fills our minds with fear. In this section, I will address how to identify reliable sources of information, how to weigh an expert opinion, and how much you should care about research and studies.

I read books on children that were written by practicing clinicians. I have found those books more practical, sensible, and holistic than some of the latest studies. It could be because most of them were written by practicing clinicians who concluded their findings based on the patients they treated firsthand. The experts or the academicians who specialize and super-specialize on itty-bitty topics often conclude things based on scientific studies, theories, and results within their specific area of interest, often without giving enough attention to the big picture.

On online forums, TV, and social media these "experts" argue and defend their specific findings and understandings so passionately that you will start believing them and questioning your own common sense. Such experts and their opinions remind me of the story of six blind men describing an elephant. The story goes like this: six blind men are asked to determine what an elephant looks like by feeling different parts of the elephant's body. The blind man who feels a leg says the elephant is like a pillar. The one who feels the tail says the elephant is like a rope. The one who feels the trunk says the elephant is like a tree branch. The one who feels the ear says the elephant is like a hand fan. The one who feels the belly says the elephant is like a wall. And the one who feels the tusk says the elephant is like a solid pipe. All six are right in their own way and rightfully feel confident about their findings and argue with real passion. Still they miss the elephant. And that brings me to the next major distraction—research and studies.

There is no question that research and studies have brought tremendous understanding about different aspects of life. Many sincere researchers have dedicated their whole lives in search of answers and all their hard work made our lives better. However, there are also many bad studies that were done for the sake of doing something, or maybe because a research grant was allocated for a certain topic. These fancy-lacy studies, combined with the social media and influencers, have become nothing but distractions. As a parent, if you start reading and worrying about every study that comes out, you will not have time for anything else. Let me tell you a secret, the more you read, the more confused and less decided you will become.

In 1943, Leo Kanner, the psychiatrist who formed the basis of the modern study of autism, attributed autism to a “genuine lack of maternal warmth.” For years experts said “Refrigerated Mothers” were the cause of autism. We blamed the poor mothers for years and tried fixing them! Now that whole theory is considered a mistake. I am not saying to not follow scientific research, but rather to not keep that as your focal point and make decisions based on social media and articles promoted by influencers.

Take away

• Read books cover-to-cover and educate yourselves

• Do not substitute studies for common sense.

• Follow a few reliable sources.

• Pay attention to holistic approaches.

• Take every piece of information with a pinch of salt.

As Steve Jobs said, "Focus is also about saying no to things."